My 6 Rules of Great Team Communication
Great communication is one of the most important skills to being successful at work. As more of us work from home, good communication becomes even more important.
Whether over video, text, or even in person, communication can be challenging: different people, with different experiences, coming together to discuss a topic on which they all likely have differing opinions.
How do you navigate these interactions in a way that strengthens your relationship with your co-workers instead of leaving you frustrated?
In this article I’m going to give you my 6 rules of communication. If you follow them, you will become a communication all-star. Your co-workers will love engaging with you, and you won’t leave every conversation feeling like you were slamming your head against a wall.
Let’s dive in.
1. Assume the Best
How you begin a conversation can make or break it. Why not start that dialog off with some positive energy? Whether you are starting the discussion or someone else has kicked it off, step into it assuming that all parties are on the same side.
On the same side doesn’t mean in total agreement. It means you all want to get to an outcome that is best for the group, project, or challenge you are facing.
Here is the real challenge. Even when you feel like the conversation started on the wrong foot or from a perspective that is negative, assume that wasn’t the intent. Take the stand that even when it doesn’t sound like it, the other person is well meaning.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that you allow anyone to be abusive; the purpose here is to understand that points contra to your perspective aren’t necessarily hostile.
It isn’t easy, but I promise you that it will change the direction the rest of the interaction takes. It’s also harder for you to get frustrated when you start to truly believe that anything harsh must be a misunderstanding.
2. Seek to Understand
At a very basic level, communication is an attempt to gain clarity around a subject. Sometimes, even when you are assuming the best, something may be said that will hit you the wrong way. How we react to these moments are crucial.
You can assume you understand the point, or intent, and charge in with your counterpoint ready. But that isn’t really assuming the best. That is insisting that you already understand the intent and the position of the other person.
Your first reaction should never be a counterpoint. It should be thoughtful questions that demonstrate curiosity. The goal isn’t to be right. The goal is to discover what’s possible. To get clarity on the subject and the possible perspectives. The goal is to learn how everyone else sees the particular matter.
3. Slow it Down
Once you have asked all your questions, spend time with the answers.
We usually expect conversations to be resolved in the moment, but I don’t think that always brings the best outcome. We need time to ponder what has been shared, to really ruminate on it.
If you are meeting in real-time, that means everyone being comfortable with pockets of silence between the talking. Yes, that slows things down, but that’s the point. If you were willing to walk away frustrated, how much more willing should you be to settle the matter in peace.
This is why I love asynchronous communications. There is no expectation of an immediate response. All parties get to take their time with what was just shared, really seek to understand what was said, and then craft great questions and a thoughtful response to dig deeper.
When we slow conversations down, we are showing that we respect the topic and the people enough to take our time and not just regurgitate our already formed opinions. You may still end up there, but at least you put in the work.
4. Don’t Take it Personally
This is a lot easier if you have already become well versed in assuming the best. People not understanding your perspective is not the same as people not trying to understand your perspective.
We are all different people with different experiences. Sometimes those experiences make it much harder to see things from another person’s point of view. Not every conversation is going to end with a complete agreement and a kumbaya moment.
How you manage the outcomes from a discussion is just as much a part of being great at team communication as the other things we’ve covered. If you take things personally and continue to debate once a decision has been made, it not only shows you don’t respect the people who made the decision, but harms your future interactions with the team.
5. Be Okay to Walk Away
Sometimes conversations get passionate and heated. You may begin to feel your blood boil or see it in someone else. When this happens people start to become argumentative; this is not a time to power through.
When you recognize this, and that’s a skill all unto itself, it’s time to slow things down. And sometimes the best way to slow things down is to walk away. Take a break. Reconvene at a later time once everyone has had some time to cool down.
If you are leading the conversation, you might give everyone a list of questions to ponder. If you are a participant you may ask the person leading to call a break or graciously bow out if they don’t. Be honest and explain that you need some time to process all the information already presented.
This is not the same as running away from conflict. You are not permanently avoiding this conversation. You are simply taking a respite so you can gain a clearer perspective. If the matter is resolved before you return please refer to the previous rule.
6. Study Past Conversations
Anyone who aims to be great at something must take the time to evaluate their past performances. Look back at past conversations that have both gone well and poorly. What went wrong? What went right?
You can learn a lot about yourself by looking at your past conversations and the choices you made. Why were you being so aggressive? Was a particular question more of a jab? Should you have walked away? Did you even start in the right frame of mind? How about everyone else?
Take the time to learn what does and doesn’t work for you and your team. Share your insights with them. Grow together. And if they don’t listen, refer back to rule #4 and remember that you are only responsible for how you communicate.